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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558313">heart-shaped hologram</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maywitherspoon/pseuds/maywitherspoon'>maywitherspoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Housemates, Mutual Pining, just two dumbass lesbians trying to figure things out, no beta we die like my will to continue uni</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:07:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maywitherspoon/pseuds/maywitherspoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"I asked Jamie to be my fake girlfriend for the charity gala that we've to leave for in twenty minutes," Dani says in a rush. "And Jamie has now been flirting with me as <em>practice</em>--" not practice, Jamie had specified but Dani does not know what to make of it "--and just now, she <em>kissed</em> me on the forehead and tucked my hair behind my ear and I have caught her looking at me with fond smiles today and I--" she takes a huge breath. Merely thinking about it makes her want to scream in her pillow. "--think I'm losing it. I am not going to survive this evening, Hannah." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh dear," she hears Hannah say. "Did you finally notice her flirting and fond smiles after three whole years of knowing each other?" </em>
</p><p>----</p><p>OR: Dani asks Jamie to be her fake girlfriend for the evening and <em>nothing</em> goes according to her plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Clayton/Jamie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>595</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>heart-shaped hologram</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello lovelies~</p><p>this fic stemmed from an idea that came to me at 4 am and I couldn't stop thinking about it and had to get it out of my system! the title is from stephanie mabey's song titled 'heart-shaped hologram'. i listened to <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7t0U6TEEBnFJKyDgdFDD2M?si=e2heqQHrTMS9Fmtepl9fSw">this playlist</a> while writing the fic in case you want to hear it too!</p><p>happy reading and I hope that you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Perhaps asking one’s roommate who is also their best friend (<em>and</em> the love of their life, <em>and </em>their soulmate, <em>and </em>every lovely thing combined into one person) for a favour by making (read: trying to make) them an extravagant breakfast and a fresh hot cup of coffee when they can’t cook without endangering everyone within a three-mile vicinity is not the best idea that Dani has had in a while.</p><p>Dani finds herself regretting her entire plan over and over from step one, however, she is nothing but persistent. She doesn’t let the flour spilling all over the floor deter her. She doesn’t let the fact that she can’t reach Owen at 7 am in the morning deter her motivation either. Or her batter turning extremely foamy in the first try (that’s… that is normal right? Google says that it is not, but what does it know?). Or her batter turning entirely too runny, or her first pancake sticking to the very clearly labelled <em>non-stick</em> pan, or the fact that she realises that she had forgotten to add <em>sugar</em> after taste-testing the first (read: last of the batter that fits in the ladle) decent looking-pancake, or the fact that she has run out of cocoa powder to make the chocolate pancakes thus having to settle on the vanilla ones or the fact that the butter burns off of the pan or the… Whatever. It is fine. She is going to make Jamie her favourite chocolate chip banana pancakes without the chocolate and with the… nevermind, without the chocolate and without the banana and it is still going to be fine. It is all going to be completely fine.</p><p>(It is not completely fine at <em>all</em>.)</p><p>It is the absence of instant coffee in their container that she definitely forgot to buy yesterday that breaks her in the end.</p><p>Twenty minutes later, Jamie wakes up to Dani sitting on the floor pulling her hair out in frustration and the house smelling like burnt...<em>some </em>things -- which was not how it was supposed to go at all. Jamie was supposed to wake up to the alluring smell of her favourite pancakes and her black coffee that Dani made with the help of her best friend and the best chef in the whole world, Owen Sharma, and <em>then </em>Dani was supposed to propose something that is, in retrospect, a completely stupid idea, and <em>then</em>, Dani was supposed to implement her 5-step plan titled, ‘making things less awkward with your best friend after you propose something that is, essentially relationship-threatening’.</p><p>Nothing ever goes according to her meticulous plans anyway.</p><p>Jamie -- in her sleep-addled state, crumpled clothes, and ruffled hair, that makes her look utterly soft -- takes one good look at their kitchen barely visible over the mess that masks it and then at Dani, and <em>laughs</em>.</p><p>Dani’s stare transforms from guilty to confused -- something that causes Jamie to laugh even more.</p><p>She languidly strolls to where Dani sits against the fridge, her knees against her chest and her hands still in her hair.</p><p>“Oh, Poppins,” Jamie says, her voice low and sitting next to her and laughing again. “What did you do?”</p><p>Dani gives her a long look and audibly sighs.</p><p>“Why did you do it?” Jamie asks, still amused, gesturing at the entire kitchen.</p><p>Dani looks away, pretending that the chipped corner of the counter is a lot more interesting, and audibly sighs again. “I wanted to make breakfast,” she mumbles, ignoring the way Jamie’s arm brushes against hers.</p><p>“Why?” Jamie asks again, softly, close enough for Dani to feel her shifting and close enough for goosebumps to rise from her shoulders all the way till the back of her neck.</p><p>“I wanted to do something nice,” Dani mumbles again, wanting to hide her entire face in her hands. She pulls her legs closer to her chest, rests her head on her knees, and allows her to look at the love of her life, who still looks bemused at how their usually peaceful (and a lot less messy) Saturday morning turned out to be.</p><p>“By <em>cooking</em>?” Jamie asks, a bit incredulous, her eyes glittering in the soft early morning light pouring from the windows.</p><p>At Dani’s nod, she mumbles a soft, “Oh, honey,” and gives her head two soft pats.</p><p>Dani almost preens into her touch but stops herself. Instead, she sighs again, letting her eyes close against her volition. She should’ve headed over the nearby bakery and bought freshly baked pastries and their coffee that reminds her of the comfort of Hannah’s home. But no, she <em>had</em> to do something like this.</p><p>“Why did you want to do something nice though?” Jamie asks, getting up and wiping her hands on her pyjama pants. “Is there something you want?”</p><p>Is she that obvious?</p><p>She only has to look up to where Jamie stands, her back still turned towards her as she figures out just how to sort out the mess that Dani created. Perhaps it is her hesitancy that makes Jamie turn, her eyebrow cocked and a small smile on her lips.</p><p>“What is it?” Jamie asks.</p><p>Dani averts eye contact, focusing on standing up again until she comes to stand beside the light of her entire life and pretends to scoop the flour that lies on the counter.</p><p>“Dani?” Jamie asks, nudging her with her elbow. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”</p><p>Dani presses her lips together and nods, once, before turning towards Jamie who now has no mirth in her expression, only concern.</p><p>Jamie holds both of Dani’s shoulders (Dani catalogues the way Jamie’s fingers softly dig into her skin and the way her skin despite a layer between them warms up in response) and shakes her a bit. “Did you finally kill Peter? Is that it? Do you need help hiding his body?”</p><p>Against the apprehension and doubt clouding the entirety of her being, Dani finds herself giggling.</p><p>“I know of a place,” Jamie promises, grinning at Dani. “Trust me, the cops know better than to check a gardener’s backyard.”</p><p>“Do they, now?” Dani asks, slumping her shoulders -- still held by Jamie.</p><p>“They do,” Jamie assures, amusement dancing in her eyes again. “Did I get it right then?”</p><p>Dani shakes her head. “I need a favour.”</p><p>“My, my,” Jamie says, removing her hands from her shoulders -- a loss that makes Dani feel terribly cold. “'Favour', she says, as though I wouldn't just do anything in the world for her. Poppins, you just have to say the word.”</p><p>Those words make all kinds of butterflies erupt in her stomach and with a spur of a strange wave of courage she says:</p><p>“Do you remember the charity gala this evening that Mrs Hull invited you to?”</p><p>Jamie nods and Dani thinks, this is it.</p><p>“Can you pretend to be my girlfriend for it?”</p><p>***</p><p>Eighteen hours ago, Dani’s anxieties pertained only to her students’ well-being and random, floating worries that made their merry way to Dani’s mind whenever they pleased. She had long-since made her peace with her embarrassing and unending feelings for her best friend and the centre of her universe, and she had gotten used to the anxiety that came along with it is perhaps the first month that they started living together. It had been three long years now and her entire being was adapted to the feelings that Jamie elicited within her. So, it was really just her students that she was mainly concerned about.</p><p>Then, Mrs Hull happened.</p><p>Mrs Hull, a kind woman in her late-forties who everyone in the school loves, for her cheery-self and the way she goes out of her way to make everyone feel welcome, slid into the empty chair next to Dani, offering her iced-tea from the vending machine.</p><p>Dani accepted it with a smile and a nod; she now knew better than to go against Mrs Hull’s acts of fierce kindness if she didn’t want to be subjected to Mrs Hull’s wife, Mrs Bryce’s fierce glares.</p><p>“I am very excited about tomorrow, aren’t you?” Mrs Hull gushed, offering her food from her lunchbox.</p><p>Dani accepted it with grace even though Jamie’s vegan Bahn Mi was more than enough for her.</p><p>“I am!” Dani replied with equal enthusiasm. She wasn’t, not really, wanting to resign herself completely to a weekly movie night with Jamie in the comfort of their home. But, the school needed to hold the charity gala for its arts funding and… it was just one Saturday, after all. Dani and Jamie had all the time in the world.</p><p>“We are finally going to be <em>officially</em> meeting your girlfriend after a year of you mentioning her only in our conversations!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.</p><p>Dani did not spit out her food and look at Mrs Hull in indigent horror because that would be quite undignified, but she did choke a little and gulped more than half her iced tea down to keep her food down and to buy her some time to respond.</p><p>“It is very new and probably terrifying,” Mrs Hull continued, “But it is a brave and an important step that you are taking. I've only unofficially met Jamie once, and she's a delight! It is important that the kids have role models from our community--” and then she talked some more, but it all went over Dani’s head.</p><p>Girlfriend.</p><p>
  <em>Girlfriend.</em>
</p><p>The girlfriend that Dani had made up, a year ago when she was a new teacher in a new school and sometimes did not have the energy for participating in bonding activities with other teachers after the school hours had ended. The girlfriend who began taking her best friends’ shape and form, in the way that she described her and talked about her. The girlfriend, who just became an excuse to spend time with Jamie instead of her colleagues because it was simpler that way -- because her lies weren't <em>exactly</em> lies, she was only spending time with Jamie, always. The girlfriend, who is essentially her best friend, the one she is drenched from head to toe in love with. Her best friend who Mrs Hull 'unofficially' met a month ago when Jamie had come to pick Dani up from school -- those rare sunny afternoons when Dani and Jamie decide on driving till the edge of the town and back, just because. Mrs Hull had taken one long look at the way Jamie held Dani by the waist, smiled in Dani’s direction, and had invited Jamie along for the charity gala -- the invitation that Dani had promptly forgotten about -- and Jamie had accepted, without knowing what she was signing up for and just how big of a liar Dani actually is.</p><p><em>That </em>girlfriend.</p><p>
  <em>Girlfriend!!!</em>
</p><p>“Girlfriend?” Rebecca inquires later when they meet at their usual coffee on Fridays, her mouth twitching as though she’s going to laugh out loud but has the compassion not to.</p><p>“Girlfriend,” Dani says as though she’s mourning the word in her mouth.</p><p>“And Jamie doesn’t know?” Rebecca asks again, sipping her cup of coffee daintily.</p><p>“No!”</p><p>“And you’d forgotten that Jamie had accepted the invitation as well?”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Does Jamie remember?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dani admits, taking a huge sip of her sugary delight. Jamie <em>definitely </em>remembers. “I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>“That is what you are worried about?” Rebecca asks. “Talk to her! Ask her to be your girlfriend! She’s not going to refuse!”</p><p>She had expected Rebecca to say something like “so you tell Mrs Hull that your girlfriend is out of town,” to which Dani would reply, “Mrs Hull is relentless. I won’t be able to lie so much. I am a shit liar,” after which her smart best friend would offer her a sound suggestion. But things don’t happen according to <em>the </em>plan. Obviously.</p><p>At Dani’s stare that says, <em>must you make me suffer by making me think things that are impossible</em>, Rebecca sighs and says with fake-merriment, “Talk to her! Ask her to be your <em>fake </em>girlfriend! She’s not going to refuse!”</p><p>***</p><p>So it really is Rebecca’s fault (read: the consequences of Dani’s actions that she finds it easy to pin on her other best friend and her valid input) that Dani is here, eleven hours later, her eyes clenched shut and pin-drop silence lingering in the air for hours and hours (it is only a moment, really).</p><p>Another moment passes, and then:</p><p>“Okay,” comes Jamie’s reply.</p><p>Dani remains frozen on spot and yet forces herself to peel her eyes open. "<em>What</em>?"</p><p>Jamie only looks at her and shrugs. "Okay," she says again. "I'll be your fake girlfriend for tonight. Was that what got you so worked up?"</p><p>Jamie doesn't look bothered in the least. There is no abhorrent refusal or a smile that might suggest otherwise. She looks the same that she always does, unbothered to the core.</p><p>Something sad situates itself in Dani's heart.</p><p>"You really don't mind?" Dani asks, not letting that creep into her voice.</p><p>"Why would I?" Jamie frowns. "It's not a big deal. The old couple from the farmer's market thinks that as well. It's nothing different from that."</p><p>
  <em>Not a big deal. </em>
</p><p>Of course, it isn't, Dani thinks, bitterly. But no-- this isn't Jamie's fault. She doesn't owe Dani any form of reciprocation. It's not--</p><p>Wait.</p><p>"The old couple <em>what</em>?" Dani asks, horrified. Is she really <em>that </em>obvious that old couple whom they meet for perhaps five minutes every other week thinks that they’re <em>together</em>?</p><p>Jamie frowns some more, scraping off the half-burned and poorly flipped pancake from near the stove.</p><p>"They think that we're married or something. But yeah, it's no big deal. I'll come with you as your girlfriend for the event."</p><p>"It is a big deal," Dani says. "There's going to be parents and my students and we're going to have to <em>dance </em>and--"</p><p>"Poppins," Jamie says in that soft voice of hers that rids Dani of some of her anxiety. "I don't mind at all. Now tell me, how do you want me to dress?"</p><p>***</p><p>The problem with living with your best friend who you're ridiculously and hopelessly pining over with neither any hopes nor any expectations of it ever being reciprocated is that sometimes, you either stumble upon something that you wished you didn't or they ask you to do things that make you want to hide your face under the carpet and scream for no more than thirty minutes.</p><p>Dani had realised this mortal peril perhaps three months into the living arrangement that she'd found herself into, right after college.</p><p>(Dani had gone through her life stumbling through most things and it was to no-one's surprise, really, that she'd stumbled upon Jamie, half-dressed, with her door half-open. Dani had quickly averted her eyes as soon as she realised just <em>what </em>she'd seen but the image will keep burning in the back of her brain till eternity, perhaps.</p><p>And then there was the time, mere two days from that incident when Jamie had asked Dani to help her apply some lipstick. "You've got steady hands, Poppins," she'd reasoned even though Dani's hands seemed to shake every time she was near Jamie. Dani had spent ten minutes looking at her best friend's lips and the next three years thinking an impossible <em>what if</em>-- "what if I'd leaned in and kissed her?" It was fruitless, mindless conjecture.)</p><p>Suffice to say that it really is a miracle that she’s survived this long.</p><p>Dani has long known that this mortal peril of living with the love of all your lives comes with a price. The price of it takes up all the space in Dani's brain until the next peril comes along. And so, it's near impossible to stop her heart from palpitating furiously when Jamie asks Dani to <em>dress her up</em>.</p><p>"I don't want to be dressed inappropriately," Jamie explains, leading Dani to her bedroom, her warm fingers pressing in the small of her back.</p><p>Jamie rarely seems to care much about societal expectations in terms of how she dresses but: "I am going as your girlfriend--" if Dani feels a bit light-headed at that then it's no-one's problem but hers "--and I don't want to wear something that might embarrass you."</p><p>"You could wear your dirt-stained overalls and no-one would bat an eye," Dani promises, a bit biased towards the clothes that make her fake future girlfriend look extremely soft. "No-one except the parents," she amends regretfully.</p><p>"That's because they're a bunch of rich snobs," Jamie concludes, nodding once and opening her wardrobe, allowing the precariously rested clothes in it to fall out.</p><p>"I have this blue dress," Jamie says, showing her the said dress that Dani has seen her multiple times in--most notably during the new year's Eve party they had last year. (It had taken a lot of self-restraint for Dani to not mutter something embarrassing as <em>I love you</em> in front of everyone so she resigned on whispering it, half-drunk, against their shared bedroom wall).</p><p>Dani loves the dress but it doesn't...feel right. Jamie realises this and she throws the dress on her bed and removes a surprisingly ironed out suit from behind her wardrobe. Dani had seen her wear this twice; once during the fitting (where Dani had to pray to the heavens above for strength) and the second and last time during the inauguration of her flower shop, six months ago (Dani had found her world narrowing down to Jamie since probably the day she met her, however, <em>however, </em>this was a whole new experience in itself. Women in suits were always hot. But Jamie? She was <em>so</em> hot that Dani found herself wanting to dunk her warm face underneath the cold water tap over and over until her skin no longer felt like it was blazing red).</p><p>Dani wants to survive the charity gala, wants to live till the day she can <em>actually </em>appreciate Jamie in the suit the way she deserves to, so she shakes her head, firmly.</p><p>Jamie raises an eyebrow and sighs patiently. "I thought you loved it," she says.</p><p>"I do!" Dani hurries on correcting that blasphemous misperception. "I really, really, <em>really</em> do." <em>I have had dreams about how much I love it. You'd be disgusted if you knew. </em>"But I don't know, it doesn't feel right." Dani is a shit liar and Jamie sees right through her. She grins anyway and lets it be.</p><p>Dani sits on Jamie's bed, looking around the room, trying to take in all the little details of Jamie scattered throughout when:</p><p>"How about this?"</p><p>And <em>oh. </em>It's a plum dress -- a gorgeous, sculpted plum dress with a plunging neckline that is undoubtedly body hugging. Dani can already imagine Jamie in it, and all the plans that she had of surviving the night are thrown out of the window. Jamie wearing the dress is going to be Dani's downfall.</p><p>(Dani can’t wait.)</p><p>"I've never seen you in this!" Dani explains, running her fingers through the soft material. "It's beautiful!"</p><p>Jamie ducks her head a bit and says, "Hannah bought it for me. She said to wear it on special occasions."</p><p>"And you're wasting it on this?"</p><p>"I'm your girlfriend for this evening, Poppins," Jamie says, a bit sad, but that is probably Dani just projecting like always. "There couldn't be a more special event."</p><p>Dani thinks that she might just die a little on the inside. Moments like these, Dani wants to do something stupid like lean over and kiss Jamie until they're both breathless. She loves Jamie <em>so </em>much; some days she can hardly contain it in the seams of her body. She feels as though she might burst with it -- her love for the entire world to be flooded in. She wants to scream just how much she loves Jamie, and she wants Jamie to touch the skin above her heart and feel her heartbeat pick up, and she wants Jamie to hold her tight and love her back. She <em>wants </em>-- that's the crux of her entire world.</p><p>"Ah, Jamie," Dani says a bit forcefully, her heart clenching painfully. "Practicing flirting for the evening, hm?"</p><p>"Who says I'm practising?" Jamie says and Dani <em>almost </em>chokes on her breath if not for Jamie to change the topic entirely and say, "I can borrow your earrings, right? The pretty flower ones?"</p><p>It takes some time for Dani to register those words and when they do: "The necklace that goes along with too," she confirms, and hightails out of the room, throwing a half-hearted explanation for why she's running away.</p><p>***</p><p>"Darling, how are you?" Hannah's sweet voice that makes Dani feel entirely safe pours through her phone speaker.</p><p>"I am in trouble," Dani whispers. The bedroom wall that her and Dani share is not paper-thin, but Dani really does not want to take any chances.</p><p>"What?" Concern seeps into Hannah's voice. "What's going on? Are you alright?"</p><p>"No, no, not <em>that</em> kind of trouble," Dani assures, still whispering. "But <em>that </em>kind."</p><p>"Ah," she can feel Hannah nodding in understanding. "Care to explain a bit?"</p><p>"I asked Jamie to be my fake girlfriend for the charity gala that we've to leave for in twenty minutes," Dani says in a rush. "And Jamie has now been flirting with me as <em>practice</em>--" not practice, Jamie had specified but Dani does not know what to make of it "--and just now, she <em>kissed</em> me on the forehead and tucked my hair behind my ear and I have caught her looking at me with fond smiles today and I--" she takes a huge breath. Merely thinking about it makes her want to scream in her pillow. "--think I'm losing it. I am not going to survive this evening, Hannah."</p><p>"Oh dear," she hears Hannah say. "Did you finally notice her flirting and fond smiles after three whole years of knowing each other?"</p><p>This is not how Hannah was supposed to respond. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"She has always been flirting with you and smiling fondly," Hannah says with a small laugh. "Did you not realise?"</p><p>"Hannah," she doesn't <em>whine</em> but it is close enough. "Hannah, what do you mean?"</p><p>"Isn't that something you both should figure out for yourselves, love?" Hannah asks softly.</p><p>Dani lets those words wash over her. Her soul immediately disregards what Hannah says -- it's near <em>impossible </em>for Jamie to feel the same way. Dani would've <em>known</em>. Her heart, however, latches onto those words and repeats them over and over until she's filled with giddy apprehension. Is there even a small chance of it being possible?</p><p>"I should go now," Hannah's voice breaks her internal monologue. "Owen needs me to taste his batch of experimental cherry lemon biscuits. Take care, my love. You will very well survive this evening."</p><p>Dani throws herself on the bed -- carefully, of course, she can't ruin the dress she's spent so long on -- and <em>laments</em>. This might just be karma for the way that she lied about having a <em>girlfriend</em> and dragged her best friend and the love of her life into the mess that <em>she </em>created.</p><p>(Okay, it's not entirely a mess; things are going smoothly -- too smoothly, perhaps. No-one seems to mind but Dani is allowed to be a little dramatic about this. She's earned that much. Nothing is going the way she'd expected.)</p><p>A knock startles her from her thoughts and the door opens to reveal Jamie, dressed in plum, looking <em>beautiful. </em></p><p>Beautiful doesn't cover it -- no words do, for her beauty is intangible that way. <em>Ethereal</em>, however, comes close. She's ethereal against the soft glow of the yellow light in their apartment, ethereal against all things earthly, ethereal against the world itself.</p><p>Dani feels entirely undeserving of witnessing this moment. She finds herself falling in love all over again.</p><p>***</p><p>Three years ago, it had gone something like this:</p><p>Dani went through her life stumbling through most things.</p><p>It was expected, really, for her to stumble into Owen's high-end restaurant and into the arms of the most beautiful woman that she's ever seen.</p><p>"Practically perfect, huh?" the woman had remarked, eyeing her embarrassing Mary Poppins' t-shirt -- Dani was very late to the meeting and she had no choice but to wear the first t-shirt she found. Had she known that she was meeting with someone like Jamie, she would've spent hours trying to look nearly as good -- as her warm fingers in contrast to the frigid winter outside helped her gain balance.</p><p>The woman in question had mud smeared on her forehead and was smiling -- a bit sardonically, maybe -- and Dani was a goner.</p><p>Hannah had wrapped her in a warm hug and had introduced her to Jamie. Jamie, the gardener and the florist who <em>is </em>practically perfect in every way. Jamie, who carved a Jamie-sized room in the hollow chambers of her heart. Jamie, who is supposed to be Dani's roommate, if she wanted.</p><p>Dani did want. She has known nothing but <em>want</em> ever since Jamie held her.</p><p>Three years later, it goes something like this:</p><p>"You want me to <em>what?</em>" Dani asks, finding her voice that she'd lost the minute she opened the door to Jamie grasping her hand softly and pressing a kiss against the knuckles and calling her <em>"my lady"</em>.</p><p>"The necklace, Dani," Jamie says, holding it out for her. "I need help wearing it. Can you help me?"</p><p>Jamie's back faces her and Dani is <em>glad </em>because that allows her to take huge, calming breaths.</p><p>Their fingers brush together as Dani gingerly takes the necklace from Jamie's upturned palm, her stomach fluttering in response, entirely Pavlovian.</p><p>Dani takes a deep breath as she steps behind Jamie and feels as though her heart is going to jump out of her ribcage. Dani unclasps the necklace and places it gently on Jamie's neck. Dani timidly sweeps Jamie's hair from behind her neck, ignoring the way Dani's fingers leave a trail of goosebumps. Despite her clammy hands, Dani manages to clasp it shut. Electricity thrums under her skin. She wants to turn her around and kiss her senseless. She wants to call Mrs Hull and tell her that she won't be able to make it to the charity gala with her very <em>real</em> girlfriend and spend the entire evening in their home. She wants--</p><p>Jamie turns around, pulling her by the hips and suddenly, they are only a breath away from each other. Dani forgets everything that led her to this moment. Jamie only has two inches over her; it would be <em>so </em>easy to lean up and kiss her, the way she's been dreaming of ever since she saw her.</p><p>The air around them feels honeyed and warm--all of Dani's senses clogged with Jamie. Jamie's hands burn through Dani's satin dress. The world shifts and shifts under her feet and she finds herself holding onto Jamie's shoulders to preserve at least some sense and semblance.</p><p>Jamie's eyes glitter in the soft glow of the room. "Poppins," she whispers and Dani feels earth-bound again.</p><p>"Jamie," Dani whispers, pleading, begging, wanting.</p><p>Jamie's eyes travel to her lips, painting Dani's face red. Dani leans forward. Jamie follows suit. They are mere centimetres apart when--</p><p>A shrill ringtone floods through the delicate silence of the room. Dani sighs, the one ounce of courage evaporating in thin air and leans her head against Jamie's shoulder, who pats her head in comfort.</p><p>"Mrs Hull," she says, answering the phone, still leaning on Jamie's shoulder. "We are on our way."</p><p>"Oh good, good," Mrs Hull says. "And you're bringing her, aren't you?"</p><p>"I am," Dani answers. "We'll be there in a while."</p><p>"Great! We are <em>so </em>excited to formally meet her. You've talked so much about her--" Dani flushes from head to toe "--tonight is going to be great!"</p><p>Tonight is going to end Dani Clayton.</p><p>At least she'll cease from existence after knowing how it feels like to be openly loved by Jamie.</p><p>***</p><p>This is the story they decide upon on their way to the gala:</p><p>They were roommates long before they were best friends and consequent lovers. They fell in love with each other every day that they spent together.</p><p>(For Dani, this is not a lie. For Dani, her life consisted of shades of blue and specks of yellow and then there was Jamie. She made everything colourful. Unrequited love sucked.)</p><p>A year and a month ago, however, Dani could no longer hold just how much she was in love with Jamie in the bounds of her body and <em>had </em>to shout it out until it reached Jamie's ears.</p><p>("Oh? You're so sure that you'd be the first one to say 'I love you', huh?" Jamie teased. "Yes," Dani answered pitifully because she was the only one who was in love, after all. Unrequited love sucked.)</p><p>After that, Jamie, the loveliest human being the universe has ever seen, gathered Dani in her arms and whispered 'I love you' as well. They live happily ever after.</p><p>(This is what Dani imagines happening, in one of her happier, requited love fantasies. Unrequited love <em>sucked.</em> Dani would not give this up for <em>anything</em>.)</p><p>“Are you <em>really </em>not bothered by this?” Dani asks again, that thought chewing her brain.</p><p>“Why would I be?” Jamie counters. “It is a privilege to be considered as your girlfriend, Poppins.”</p><p>Dani’s traitorous heart skips a beat. “But I just-- wouldn’t this ruin your chances of finding someone?”</p><p>“Dani, do you want me to date one of your colleagues?” Jamie asks, her voice edging towards something a bit unbelieving.</p><p>“No, no,” Dani denies vehemently. “I just-- aren’t you curious as to why I did this or something?”</p><p>“I am guessing that you didn’t want to attend their events for socialisation purposes and you made up an excuse and then it was just safer to give my name since we live together. Am I wrong?”</p><p>Dani nods, as though the only reason why the fabricated girlfriend took Jamie’s name and shape and voice and habits was that she was a safer option and not that Jamie is the only person she imagines ever falling in love with.</p><p>“You are so much more than my best friend,” Jamie says, threading their fingers together. “This doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I’d do for you."</p><p>Together, they make their way to the extravagantly decorated interiors of the ballroom the gala is held in.</p><p>Every year, the gala is held to raise funds for the art department which suffers under the scrutiny of the board of directors despite the private school being heavily funded by rich parents. Mrs Wingrave, a sole director and believer in the arts, hosts a gala every year where she invites her other rich friends and makes them donate money for it because she is simply influential that way.</p><p>This is Dani's first time attending the gala and from what she can see, it already surpasses any and all the expectations that she'd thought of.</p><p>"Miss Clayton!" Dani hears a delighted scream and soon, tiny Flora Wingrave stands upright in front of her with the biggest smile that Dani’s ever seen.</p><p>“Flora,” Dani says, her heart melting entirely. “How are you this fine evening?”</p><p>“Perfectly splendid!” Flora beams and her inquisitive stare turns to Jamie.</p><p>“This is Jamie,” Dani gestures at her, who stands with her hand around Dani’s waist. “And this is Flora, one of my perfectly splendid students!”</p><p>“A pleasure to meet you,” Jamie nods in her direction.</p><p>“You’re wearing Miss Clayton’s necklace,” Flora replies, observant as always. The one time that Dani had worn it to class, Flora had not been able to stop waxing poetic about it.</p><p>“And her earrings,” Jamie says, touching the floral studs gingerly. “Miss Clayton is ever so kind as to lend me these.”</p><p>Flora’s eyes snap back to Dani, her smile brightening. “Well, it does look very pretty,” she decides.</p><p>“Come on, now,” Flora says, motioning them to follow her. “Follow me, I will show you the way.”</p><p>Jamie looks at Dani, her mouth twisting in an almost-fond smile, clasps their hands together and pulls her in Flora’s direction.</p><p>***</p><p>Flora first leads them to Miles and then to the opposite corner of the room where the other middle-school teachers stand in a cluster. Dani shivers every time she introduces Jamie as her girlfriend and partner and roommate and her one true love. They are broken apart when the head of co-curricular activities catches a whiff of the fact that her beautiful girlfr--<em>best</em> friend is a gardener and a florist, leaving Dani with her colleagues.</p><p>"I really did think that you were lying about her," Ms Grey remarks later, though not unkindly. Dani still <em>almost </em>splutters her drink in response. "But seeing you both together… Jamie is as in love with you as you are in love with her."</p><p>Heat rises up her neck as her colleagues nod in agreement. Who knew that Jamie could act this well? A voice that suspiciously sounds like Hannah whispers in her mind, <em>"perhaps it isn't acting. Perhaps she genuinely loves you"</em>. Dani shakes that thought away.</p><p>"Oh, Ms Grey," Dani sighs. She wants that more than anything in the whole, wide world. "I-- thank you."</p><p>"Look, here she comes," Mr Bunch says looking over Dani's shoulders. "Can't stay away from your girlfriend for long, huh?"</p><p>Nimble fingers grasp her forearm. She turns to find Jamie smiling ever so softly at her.</p><p>Jamie intertwines their fingers together and Dani’s heart flutters. "Care for a dance, my love?" Jamie asks, kissing her knuckles.</p><p>Dani's soul seems to have left her body. She nods instinctively, feeling as though she's swallowed a stone the size of her heart.</p><p>The lights in the room dim, the music starts soft and lilting, and Dani's world narrows down to this: the way Jamie's hands curl around her waist, holding her tight against her warm self, the way Dani doesn't know what to do with her hands so she snakes them around her neck and basks in the smile that Jamie gives, the way their souls know how to move to the rhythm of each other and to the soft notes of the music, the way they move with each other and around each other -- almost stepping on each other's toes but not quite, the way Dani's mind screams <em>Jamie, Jamie, Jamie</em>, and the way Jamie presses her forehead against Dani's making her mind whisper <em>Jamie, Jamie, Jamie</em>. It narrows in the way their breaths mingle into one, in the way that Dani feels that there's no-one in this universe but them, in the way that Dani feels so full with the love she has for the woman holding her close that she can barely breathe, in the way that Dani's heart clenches delightfully and painfully at that. It narrows and it narrows until it's just them under the spotlight in Dani's mind.</p><p>She realises, guilt curdling in her stomach, that she loves Jamie so much that she <em>has </em>to say it. She has to put those words out in the open and let the universe decide what it wants to do with it. She has to <em>say</em> it for that is the only way that she'll stop hoping even though she may never stop wanting. Dani can barely look at her and Jamie looks nowhere else but at her. Dani can't breathe. She wants to <em>run</em> until she is far, far away from these gut-wrenching feelings.</p><p>Dani closes her eyes, resting her head on Jamie's shoulders, unable to bear the weight of her gaze. <em>Stupid, stupid, stupid</em>. She should've never lied about this, about <em>Jamie</em> particularly. She should've <em>never </em>asked her to come -- but she did. And now look at how that's turned out.</p><p>The magic between them, around them, stops as soon as the music changes into something livelier. They stop revolving around each other. Dani lifts her head from Jamie's shoulders, meeting her awfully vulnerable eyes. Something breaks inside of her. She wants to <em>run</em>.</p><p>Out of the corner of her eyes, Dani sees Mrs Hill wipe a stray tear and Mrs Bryce with a small smile on her face nodding her head in their direction. That sight is what finally breaks her.</p><p>Dani pulls her hand away from Jamie's and <em>runs</em>. She has no destination in mind, just that she can't be here any longer. The only thing she <em>wants</em>, she has, and yet it's <em>all</em> fabricated.</p><p>She runs and runs until the music and the chatter from the ballroom dims down.</p><p>She runs and she runs and yet the phantom feeling of Jamie holding her stays -- forever and ever.</p><p>***</p><p>Jamie finds her five minutes later, sitting on the bench of the deserted terrace garden.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Jamie's voice is that of concern and that itself makes Dani want to fold her knees against her chest and sob.</p><p>"I am okay," her voice wavers but she still soldiers on.</p><p>Jamie hums and sits beside Dani, their shoulders merely brushing against each other.</p><p>Jamie doesn't ask what's wrong, simply allows the silence to linger between them. It's comforting to have someone who understands her this well beside her when Dani doesn't even know what to feel.</p><p>The wind picks up its pace around them as though sensing the inner turmoil in Dani's mind. This is it, Dani thinks. There's no choice left but to tell Jamie the one thing that she's never said out loud. The only way that she can move on is by saying it out loud, holding onto the tangible words, and letting them go. This is it. And then:</p><p>"Poppins, you know that I'm in love with you, right?"</p><p>The world stops moving. For a moment, Dani says nothing. She lets those words repeat in her head, over and over, setting on her skin like the blazing sun, and then:</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Dani isn't entirely sure that she's breathing.</p><p>Jamie looks at her, sad around the corner of her eyes and Dani wants to lean over and smoothen them out.</p><p>"I'm in love with you," Jamie repeats a sense of finality in her tone. "I had to say it, Poppins. It was slowly eating me up on the inside and now I realise that there's barely anything left of me."</p><p>Dani is half-convinced that this is an elaborative, cruel dream. The love of her life sitting beside her and telling her that she's <em>in love </em>with her. But it's not a horrid dream is because Jamie looks sad when she says it, defeated, as though it pains for her to say those words. The reason why it's not a dream built upon years of wishful thinking is that Dani can feel the shuddering breaths that Jamie pretends she does not take, she can <em>feel </em>the warmth she radiates despite that. Her dreams are never that realistic.</p><p>"You're in love with me?" Dani whispers disbelievingly, hoping, wanting.</p><p>Jamie looks away, slumping her shoulders entirely. "Nothing has to change between us. I just had to say it. Out loud. I'm in love with you."</p><p><em>Oh. Oh. Oh. </em>Jamie is in <em>love</em> with her. She is <em>actually</em> in love with her. This isn't a cruel joke. The dread that was filled to the brim within Dani dissolves completely. The universe feels like it's unfolding in itself.</p><p>The love of her life, her soulmate, her <em>everything </em>feels the same for her.</p><p>"What if I want things to change?" Dani asks, shifting closer, entirely ecstatic.</p><p>Jamie turns towards Dani, her eyes widening at the shift in Dani's demeanour. "What are you saying?"</p><p>"I'm in love with you too," Dani says, those words sounding entirely safe between them. "I'm <em>so </em>in love with you that I feel like I'm losing my entire mind, most days."</p><p>Jamie looks at her, wide-eyed and <em>hoping. </em>Dani wraps her fingers around her wrist and brings the flat of her palm against the ridiculous thudding of her heart. "Feel," she says. "This doesn't even begin to cover what you do to me. This is a fraction of how much I love you."</p><p>Jamie's free hand cups Dani's cheek. "You really love me?" she whispers.</p><p>Dani leans her forehead against Jamie's. "More than anything."</p><p>Jamie lets out a puff of a laugh before holding her face between both her hands. Dani snakes her arms around Jamie's neck, pulling her even closer.</p><p>"I love you," Jamie whispers, those words carving into Dani's soul.</p><p>"I love you too," Dani whispers back and finally, <em>finally </em>presses their lips together.</p><p>Later, they will go back to the ballroom again, their hand interlocked, no false walls between them. Tomorrow, they will go on a picnic as their first date and will enjoy watching the sunset beside each other. After a month or so, they will leave all pretence of wanting to have two separate rooms and shift into one, transforming the other into a guest bedroom. Later, on their second month anniversary, Dani will go buy a ring from a jewellery store. Later, on their one year anniversary, Dani will try to cook again (and will succeed, thanks to the world-renowned chef, Owen Sharma) and think of ten different ways that she can propose over breakfast only for Jamie to pull out the ring first. Later, they will buy a house in the suburbs and paint it with the memories they make and everything that's yet to come.</p><p>But for now, Jamie rests her head on Dani's shoulder, their fingers still intertwined together as they watch the world glitter and glimmer beyond them.</p><p>In the warmth of Jamie's presence, Dani feels at home.</p>
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